Good Sunday morn to you!

I think I am finally clear of sickness - my body has been resourceful enough so that I didn't get any flu symptoms other than being over tired and cranky. And seems that my sister is cured as well! Speaking of cranky - an 'Anonymous' mean person has been leaving hate comments on my blog.

Really.

Really.

Someone has too much time on their hands to go twice out of their way to comment on my last blog post. I wasn't going to acknowledge it but I guess I want them to know it does actually hurt my feelings - and this is my blog, right? So I get to talk about whatever the fuck I want to. Whoever you are, because of course you posted as anonymous - admitting who you actually are would mean admitting to yourself and the world that you are a bully. Being unfriendly and hurtful is being a bully. You have bullied me. An opinion is an opinion, but saying purposefully hateful things is very different. And success, you've been heard so can you please go back to living your perfect little life and never let me or my worries cross your minds path again? It would be very much appreciated. Thank you. Sincerely, me.

Moving on - I went to the movies with my friend from work: Skyfall, and it was excellent! I am not a huge fan of James Bond, but I loved the music and the cinematography. And Daniel Craig's chest - aholay crap. Be more ripped. Do it. Dooo it.

This weekend has overall been tiring but good. Lots and lots of Christmas presents bought Friday and Saturday, two birthday parties Saturday evening and some volleyball today. Does anyone else just friggin love buying Christmas presents? I am looking at everything right now, just can't wait to give it to you guys - one month (less than!) until I am visiting home with my family and friends!

I just love you guys.

Flu Symptoms

Tired: I have been feeling so fatigued lately, beginning last week and this week terribly. I am most definitely coming down with something. This feels worse than when I had mono.

My sister (and room-mate  had similar symptoms of fatigue last week and she was out of work this week two days puking her guts out for seemingly no reason. So I am basically waiting for this flu to catch up to me and just get it over with.

When you get sick or don’t feel well does anybody else get really depressed? I just feel so unhappy at this moment. Honestly I’ll tell you I am in need of a boyfriend right now because I think that would make me feel better. I mean a secured bf not someone I am dating because when you're dating someone you're still in that really nervous stage all the time where you don’t want to seem too needy. This is one of those times when you just want to have someone to be holding you or bringing you water or soup or just cheering you up and making you feel better. That’s so important.

That I currently do not have. And therefore I am depressed. Yupp – just call me Bella Swan and fuck you all! Seriously though, I had an amazing day today and my friend here really helped me out. I have been trying to get my winter tires put onto my car for the past month but it is like crazy out here I mean last turkey at the grocery store before thanksgiving crazy to try and get an appointment at a place to get your tires switched. I have been nervously sliding my way around town for weeks now on my summers. Today my friend found me a place to go, drove me home to get my car, actually went with me so I wouldn't have to go alone, waited there with me and came back with me. It was the sweetest thing. It was so thoughtful, honestly, he did it all himself I didn't even ask him to he just knew I was stressed out about it so he called around and got me an appointment at this random garage. It was even done for less $$ than if I would have made an appointment for a month from now at Canadian Tire. Instead of going back to work we went on a driving adventure to this house he is taking care of and ended up taking hours out of our work day in total just talking and stuff. This, my friends, is a good friend. Yes. See this is why I should not be feeling sad or depressed today! It makes no sense! Anyway, I have actually had a good day, but I still feel like shit. Thank you random Edmonton flu situation for making me feel depressed and needy for no reason whatsoever. OH and also I have my first hang out with some guys from work this weekend – other than going out after work or at lunch. I am excited we are going to see Skyfall. I am like a child excited because these are friends that I made without the aid of my sister in Edmonton. Yes. This is happening. Finally. Haha, well let’s hope so. And this is turning into the longest blog about nothing ever.

ONE MORE THING guess who I added on facebook last night when I couldn't sleep?? OH YES Mr. Colin Boyd. HAHA! Back from the grave. Actually I am really excited to talk to him again see where he is in life. This is what I mean about times changing, and people changing (check my twitter feed). I was reading old blogs last night looking back at my relationship with that guy and just cringing. And now I have zero feeling about it so it is great!! This. This is how I wish all relationships were. I am tired of feeling feelings, because there is just always too much drama. CUT the drama.

Oh, I wish.

 A self-portrait.

currently

enjoying: that me and my sister sometimes do look the same
feeling: very very happy
loving: early Christmas decorations at my workplace!
singing: soldier's eyes by jack savoretti 
eating: liptons chicken noodle soup
wearing: big winter boots! YAY for not falling on my ass
craving: Cupcakes...so then i bought some...
obsessing: with w. loss
missing: nothing. i am extremely content with how this weekend went.
reading: the kill order (still, i am slow..)
watching: laguna beach
dreaming: of endless possibilities
wishing: that i had 20 seconds of insane courage
learning: to be sneaky..er
fighting: with terrible nightmares
deceiving: no one
playing: the best of games

To get into the spirit of the season I bought this snazzy puzzle from the flea market. I do puzzles now. AND ANSWER SILLY FUN QUESTIONAIRES! Do yo self a favor - scroll to the bottom and play my Christmas song!!

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? 

OH SHIT. TOUGHEST. QUESTION. EVER.

Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? 

Oh they are wrapped! Except the big ones like Saucers and Toboggans.

Colored lights on tree/house or white? 

I am not sure - every year I seem to change my mind as to which I like better!!

Do you hang mistletoe? 

I would definitely.

When do you put your decorations up? 

Oh geez. Dec 24th. Biiiig slacker.

What is your favorite holiday dish? 

ERHMAGAD - Bite-size QUICHE!

Favorite Holiday memory as a child? 

Oh everything for Christmas with my family. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Best times.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? 

What truth...no I don't even remember!

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? 

Never ever!

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? 

Lights first then helter skelter! With Momma passing us sisters all the ornaments.

Snow! Love it or Dread it? 

I love snow! But dislike it on the roads. I think it's beautiful and absolutely magical.

Can you ice skate? 

Yupp! But it's always shaky for the first ten or so minutes for me.

Do you remember your favorite gift? 

Ho ho ho...let's see. I remember the reaction I had a few years ago from a gift I believe one of my sisters gave me. You can't make that shit up.

What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you? 

The fam jam. God bless em. (And this year it will be seeing ALL MY FRANS I MISS YOU BUTTFACES!)

What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? 

Ho...CANDY CANE ICE CREAM OH DEAR GOD SO GOOD.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? 

Opening stockings Christmas morning with my sisters and parents! But we may be getting a little old this year sadface. 

What tops your tree? 

A wonderful one-winged Angel.

Which do you prefer giving or receiving? 

HA tough competition. But definitely giving. Giving a good special gift. It just feels so right.

Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? 

They are traditional and I like me some tradition. Therefore Yum.

Favorite Christmas show? 

A Christmas Story TIMES A MILLION

Saddest Christmas Song? 

Little Drummer Boy

What is your favorite Christmas song? 

ANOTHER TOUGHY! But def Mariah Carey - All I want for Christmas for you. On repeat. YOU TUBE THAT SHIT! 

...Okay I will.

NEW APARTMENT

So I moved in to this place Sept 1st and I haven't shown it off yet. I took this video the first day it was all mine.

ChhhyEA!



I love it. Love it love it love it.

Trembling hands

I am here now.

This spot that is like fire, burning, bright and engulfing  It's more fun than you'll ever have. And more dangerous than anything you'll ever do.

Lately I've been wondering what's been going on. And I'm ready to surrender. Surrender to the enemies I am battling. To tremble in their outstretched palm. Exhilarated and intimidated - for once in my life timid. This is to be graceful and full of laughter. This is to be remembered.

Between that place and this, no regrets are left. The latter. The overstep. The deep plunge. This will be careful and calculated. This will be left up to chance. I have diamonds in my eyes that are reflected in yours. To be captured. This is a war.

I march with head held high, my eyes are smiling. And so are my feet. I see colors, they flash and direct my hands. My thoughts they're read like a book. An entwining that was never politely requested, such a private thing. Careful and calculated. Guarding. Give and take. Who are you if not what you feel. Crystal and beauty and fragility that will not fear destruction. That will surrender. I will not freeze.

This is a fire.

Well...shit.

You know. Today I got TOLD by my co-worker. Basically he told me that by 25 people should have their lives together - work, relationships, kids, the entire kit and caboodle. He's sitting there, telling me this, and all I can think is - Buddy, you are 24. What do you think is going to happen in one year? That your fairy god mother is going to swoop down and perfect your life?

I was feeling pretty good about myself, before this conversation. I'm 24. I have a wicked degree. I have a full time job. I make the money. I've done good for myself. I did exactly what I set out to do when I applied for University coming out of high school.

But ya, I don't have kids. I'm not married. I have no significant relationship in my life to speak of save the one I have with The Walking Dead. Does that make my life sad? I don't know.. I mean how much of someones life is dictated by that of anothers? Do we need someone to be happy? I DESPISE when I hear women whining "Oh I'm so lonely I don't have a boyfriend, waah waaah!" I mean get over it, there's more to life.

But then, is there?

I am twisting all up in my mind here. I definitely would love to be in a relationship right now with someone I loved, and who loved me. Someone to be that one person for you and you for them and all that comes with a meaningful relationship. But I also would love a million dollars. And it's not that simple.

And now that I can't get this subject out of my mind I feel like I am jinxing myself. Like, people always say "If you're looking for it, it won't happen. But the minute you're not, there it will be."

Well I guess this is where I say to myself: Self, maybe you should concentrate on your own self for awhile. ("Say self again." "Self.")

Eugh deep conversations with co-workers. #Keepitlight

Celery and Cheese = HEAVEN

Some days are just Cheese Whiz and celery days. Today was one of those days.

I went shopping on the weekend and bought a bout a kazillion things. Including a new winter hat. It was excellent. See below.

Le bleu

Man-friend problems

I swear to God I am so tired of boys being pissy.  You're not in High School anymore. Get it together!

Lately at work I have been making some much closer friends - still in the 'work friend' category but definitely getting closer to the 'real friend' end of the spectrum. But honestly the more I get to know some of these guys, and let me tell you, they are all guys, I am seeing a whole new side of them! And it's chalk full of boy drama (that exists?? who fuckin knew)

Two of them really don't like each other and I get to hear about that all day long - like guys you work together, get over it. I strongly dislike one fellow I work with but I am still civil towards him, I just don't make a point to go talk to him. It's easy guys - if you don't like someone, do yourself a favor - stay out of their way and forget about them! Or else strip down and duke it out. Preferably with some sort of oil involved, you handsome devils you.

Sometimes I don't understand guys and what their problems are. Please, just get over it and do not get mad at me because of it!